Work & Self-Worth part 1
It’s an interesting thing to finish working somewhere. All those worries, the stress, disagreements with your co-workers, the crazy workload, all the pressure you put on yourself to finish everything by the end of the day… All of a sudden, all those things are not part of your life anymore, the hamster wheel comes to a stop, the blinders come off, you can finally see the bigger picture again as well as get your inner peace back – for a few days at least, until the next thing shows up (like the never-ending paperwork of the modern world or relationships! but let’s stick to the topic).
The day before Christmas last year, was my last day at work – again – (again cause I’ve worked there on and off for the past 12 years and never had a permanent contract, not in that company nor another one, so I’ve had many ‘last day at work’ #neutraltone).
It was an office job in a big company, open space style and home-office towards the end of course. I didn’t really enjoy it, it was pretty repetitive, not creative at all but it gave me great flexibility in my schedule and the money I needed for the next project – until my ‘next project’ became paying rent and food, then I knew I had stayed a bit to long this time and something needed to change.
Over the years, I’ve always kept a box full of notes and office supplies for the ‘next time I come back’ (was literally written on the box)! And it was stored at my Mum’s desk! Yes she works there too!
But this year was different, this year I consciously shredded every single sheet of paper I had kept over the years. Because I knew this time, I was not going back because staying in this job was not benefiting anyone and I knew something better was awaiting! I had finally realized my self-worth (I mean starting to ‘tip-toe’ towards it would be more accurate)! I made a conscious decision!
I realized that what kept me there for the past decade, was the limiting belief or rather believes that: 1. work needs to be hard, boring and annoying, 2. there is only that specific job that will get me money (and I had all the reasons to believe it cause that’s been the reality until now), 3. proper work has to be an office job (like my parents) 4. I’m not worthy to get any other job especially not a fulfilling one, 5. I gotta save my Mum – yeah weird I know. And probably a bunch of others I’m still not aware of!
It was (still is) a process to get rid of all these limiters + rediscover that self-worth! A couple examples of the things I did/do: rephrasing the things I say when I catch myself saying something negative or limiting; writing down/ visualizing what I want without judgement; digging into unpleasant childhood stuff with my therapist.
I gotta add though, I didn’t just wake up one morning, realized my self-worth and stormed into the office, yelling: I QUIT LOOSERS! YOU STAY IN THE RAT RACE IF YOU WISH BUT I’M OUTTA HERE! MERRY CHRISTMAS! First of all because not many people would have been there, which would have made it less dramatic and second of all, I know you think a french could do that but I’m a milder version, a Swissized and Germanized one! I guess what I’m trying to say is: I cowardly waited until my contract ended, cause you know: food, rent and unemployment benefits. So before you read the rest, this is not a: sometimes-you-gotta-take-the-leap-story cause I didn’t do it myself unfortunately. I wish I could advocate for it but nope, not this time.
My big steps were to realize that I’m not going back there and that 1. 2. 3. 4. & 5. are not true. It was also to realize my strengths and skills that I always underestimated (and TBH still do a tiny bit actually).
We always hear the success stories but today I just told a random not-there-yet-but-getting-there one and I’m celebrating the little steps!
What were your little steps lately? What are you consciously choosing and saying NO to? What are your limiting believes?
P.S.: what I had initially planned to write about was slightly different so there might be a Part 2 coming up! Work is such a vast topic!
